An Appointment with my Life

Sketchbook drawing, pencil and crayons

I RECENTLY DISCOVERED THE CHARMING FRENCH BLOG J'ai Rendezvous Avec Ma Vie, written by Murielle. I was so enchanted by its name, which, means "I have an appointment with my life," that I decided to do just that. I called my life to make a date.

That is not an easy thing to do because my life is very busy and thinks she is more important than I am. I thought I might get turned down–by my own life!–and I hate rejection. However, when I asked, my life said she thought she could fit me in! My life seemed at first relaxed, funny, smart, pleasant, good-looking and fun. My life looked like someone with whom I was going to have a blast. H-O-W-E-V-E-R ...

All my life wants to talk about is painting. Sure, that's fun for my life but what fun is it for me? I thought we'd go out ... have a couple of glasses of Sauvingon Blanc ... dinner, and then dance 'til dawn. That way, I thought we would get to really know each other. Well, I had a Sauvingnon Blanc. But my life ordered Pellegrino with a lime because in the morning she had to varnish some paintings, meet with her curator, design a colophon for her book and then write a post for her blog, all of which are about guess what? painting! I'm sorry to say, it was an awkward date, and we didn't bond. B-O-R-I-N-G.

OK . I can understand that my life has to take care of business, so I magnanimously said, "Mid, (That's her name. It's short for middle-life) after your varnishing and curatorial meeting, lets go shopping and buy some gorgeous spring clothes at BG." Middy replied that she'd love to, but she had to save her money for framing her artwork and paying a photographer to shoot it for her book, Depingo Ergo Sum. I had to go shopping alone. I guess my life is just not that into me.

I decided not to hang out with her again, but I still wanted another shot at my life. So I made another appointment-just not with Mid. This time I was smart about it. Instead of calling my present life, I called my pre-school life–Early. She is so precocious and cute. Early life said "Yes," and inquired if candy and a toy would be involved. Well that appointment didn't work out either. It is exhausting being around such a young life, not to mention that Early had tantrums if she didn't get her way, frequent crying jags for no reason at all and she even bit me. B-O-R-I-N-G and it hurt!

There's more than one way to date one's life, so as a last resort I called my future life. Her name is Late. I had never seen her before, but Late seemed quite elegant, erudite and even amusing over the phone. On our date though, it was a different story. It took her half an hour to walk a block. She limped and had a dowager's hump. All Late talked about was whether she would be getting a cost of living adjustment to her Social Security benefits and how much better everything had been when she was young. B-O-R--I-N-G and she was a little hard on the eyes because of all those wrinkles.

After that, I forgot all about meeting with my life. I don't want to have any more appointments with her at any age. Don't get me wrong. I still believe that having an appointment with your life is important for everybody. Just don't make one with mine. She is too busy, bratty and lame.

PS. Middy thinks it's always about her and wanted me to post a sketch that she did of the three of us. To keep on good terms with her, I've posted it above. I'm the one in the middle with bite marks.